I want to have your abortion
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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