We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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