I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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