I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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