just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize