i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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