You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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