Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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