My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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