:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
