Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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