yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
