Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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