thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
