I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
