so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
