the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
