i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
