If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
