Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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