I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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