It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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