let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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