Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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