dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
