He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
