My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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