bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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