Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and she was petting her beer can
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
