We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
