it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
