she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
