I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize