oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He shit in the fireplace
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
