last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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