Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
