This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize