There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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