I think I died a long time ago.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
