Buhtt sex?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
