If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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