I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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