Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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