There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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