There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
