But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
whose ass print is on the piano?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
