Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
