what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
