My brain says no but my pants say off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
