the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
