My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
