HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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