So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're like the curious george of whores
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
