If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
