if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
