So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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