I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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