She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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