winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
