Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
