can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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