he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
