Me. At least after what I've been through.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
