I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
