I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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