wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
