Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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