i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
