32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
