You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
