Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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